Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Puppet's Tear

There you were in front of me. Always on time. Never missed a split second. Not even once. I sat on my wooden stool waiting when will it be the day, the day that you would came to me and notice I truly exist. I sat looking at you, as you're greeting friends and customers. I smiled, I snap a photo of you on my mind. Click. Click. It was beautiful. No. It was Magnificent. You're translucent skin, pale, always pale. I was in love. Even more when the sun shine down on you, you're truly an angel. Never have I thought, that you would stole my heart even with this distance between us. 

At night, I dreamed of you. At night, I thought of you. Looking at the moon, I just wished one day, I am brave enough to greet you as you greet others. I hope One Day, you could see me the way I look at you. Even with me, being a puppet whom dream of loving you as a human. That is all I hope for. That is all I dreamed of and that is all I needed for you to nourish me as you nourish every one else but me. 

Once, I took a brief look outside the world as I came to you. An old man sold me to you, "I want to feed my family" he said. You agreed to buy me. For you, with the kindness of heart wants to help the old man. I guessed, that's the world I could see when you gave your heart freely. You took a look at me but you weren't happy. You sighed as if I was broken and could be fixed. You placed me upon a shelf that is high above any other but for me, I could see you wondering about. But not for me. I sat on my wooden stool, with a brush on my hand and paint on the other, stiff as I am, all I want to do now is to draw a picture of you so I could stop this feeling. Again and again I tried. I'm a puppet. I cried. In the end, no one could see me cry. 

Time moves swiftly. It moves without notice. I couldn't see it. But I felt it. I felt it change everything I ever saw. Even you. Oh my beautiful, It changes you. You're skin. You're smile. You're magnificent heart changed through time. I sat on my wooden stool, wishing for time to stop. To stop everything and let it be still so I could be with you. Oh my beautiful, I sat but nothing happened. You left me here alone. With only a picture of you here in my heart. I sat on wooden stool, crying as time moves on without me moving on. 

Saturday, November 27, 2010

death is just a word.

It must've been days. By now, the feeling is just numb.
Waiting, correcting, figuring out every answer based on facts.
I haven't got a clue.
I tried my best to guess but it's always me whose wrong.

No matter how hard I tried to forget it, it's always going to be me.
Even if, I tried speaking it to you,
it won't matter, it'll only turn around or you're going to misinterpret everything I've said.
It won't matter.

Nothing is going to be the same if we're like this always. 
I've done everything to make sure you're happy to make sure you're alright but have you ever thought of seeing me that way?
Have you ever thought thinking of me that way?
Have you ever thought of sacrificing for me?

Words won't matter anymore.
I've given up.
I'm tired.
I'm giving in towards life.
Maybe I should just die!

I bet you won't even care.
My feelings won't matter because it's yours whose important.
I'm nothing but a pathetic over bearing chaotic person who doesn't care for anyone but you.
Let it be. Let it be. Let it be.

I dead to you.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

One day Pt 2

keys rambling
door closed

"Ughhhh, what a horrible day!" I moaned

I saw little furrie running towards me. "Hi there baby, did you miss mummy?' I held him up high as I kissed his forehead. My beautiful persian white cat, furry, hairy, and smelly. "ughh, furrie did you poop on mummy's couch again?" I went to check on the couch and saw a bundle of poop my cat made as a give for leaving him the whole entire day. I pat him on the back and put him down on his bed, i pour his favorite dish, it says "Tuna with extra shrimp and calamari". While he dig into his food, I pour milk just for him to drink so he won't choke. Furrie is such a hungry cat. "No wonder you're fat and dingy"

I went outside to throw out the trash furrie made. "I have to buy new couch and new pillow cases and arghh...!" I've fallen down the stairs and landed flat on the ground with the trash on top of me. The smell was revolting! I didn't waste any time and stood up on my feet and start cleaning again. I'd realize that furrie was either angry with me or he might need a lady friend. I guess I have to find a feline now. "Oh well, if that makes him happy"

Door closed

I looked at furrie, he was playing with the mouse toy i bought for him last summer. "You are lonely, furrie..." I went to pick him up to play with him. I pat him on the back and I turn on the television. I looked at him again. Thinking to myself, are you really lonely? or you're just hungry? "look at you, you long-haired, flat faced cat! Are you lonely?" Ughh asking him that question makes me thinks I'm lonely! Pitiful my life is. I went to take a shower and clean myself from a day worth of scrubbing people's back and faces. Some people are clean but some people aren't that clean. I've decided to take a hot bath to relax my body and senses with a lavender bubble bath and some diet coke while listening to the kooks.


I've fallen asleep for 1 whole hour. My skin is wrinkled and is that furrie? "Furrie! What are you doing inside the tub?" I say him swimming inside the tub. "meow..meow.. meoooowwww.." "what is wrong with you furrie?" I dried myself and took the hairdryer to dry furrie, and to my shock, furrie isn't a him but a she? Huh?!!!! How did that happened? I dried furrie as fast as i could and place him on my bag. I rushed to the vet .

I was running as fast as I could and furrie kept making strange noises like some pregnant women trying to give birth. It was loud, people around me looked at us awkwardly and I apologize so many times until I found the vet. I knock on the doors because it says closed. I knocked so hard that the window cracked. I saw a disgruntling figure, I screamed "hey! somethings wrong with my cat, help me please! she's screaming like hell! please! help!"  The lights were turn on and the 'disgruntling' figure open the door and said "its closed, LADY"
I was extremely unhappy to see him but furrie needed help and I didn't know any other place that could help only the vet. Furrie kept making weird sound, awful, awful sound. When he closed the door I screamed "Okay! I'll go out with you, Please save my cat.. please..." I cried. I cried so bad I said "Don't let her die, she's my friend" He opened the doors and let us in but his face was disingenuous. I knew he didn't let me in on purpose but I was screaming I guess he felt sorry. He asked me to wait and he locked the door.
"Your cat is giving birth" he looked at me with his piercing green eyes. He tooked the bag and showed to the emergency room. "so this is the emergency room?" I asked him shyly. I didn't know my reaction at first until I saw his eyes. I was looking at him, seeing him wear the rubber gloves and "meoooowwww!" Oh my, that distract me. I was puzzled at first but I saw the look on his face. "How is she?" I asked and He didn't say a word just did his thing with furrie. All I could hear was meow and meowww but most of the time I kept hearing "auwww.. auwwww.. auwwwwwwwwww" I was numbed! I was trembling like I just saw a ghost. I was shaking and my face is pale as white. The sound was unbelievable, it sounded like a screaming pregnant women screaming the pain out of it. I couldn't bear to hear it anymore. I left the emergency room with hand closing my ears.

I felt like a father. Honestly, I was walking about the hallway looking through the peak hole and I saw another figure. "That must be the doctor" I thought to myself.
"He is" someone said behind me
I screamed so loud even furrie stop screaming "ahhhhhh~!!"
"chill, dude! that's my dad, his the doctor here." I turned around to see a 12 year old boy wearing a yellow pajamas and the first thing came up to my mind was... "banana"
"what?" he looked at me confused and dazed.
"nothing, you look like a banana and I was..hmm.. never mind"
"whatever man, here fill out this form and you can wait here for my dad to finish his job"
I nodded in agreement towards the kid and I asked him "do you live here by any chance?"
He smiled and answered "yes, maam" and walked away.

I looked at the form and I was confused from what had happen for the last hour which didn't come to my mind very concisely. I filled up the form with nothing on my mind. Blank.

"Hello Julia" A voice came from behind. I screamed my head out.
"Do you have to scream all the time?" He was obviously mad.
"Sorry, you surprised me Dane." I answered
"You'd remember my name?" He was cheerful this time, more like to be joyful that I remembered his name.
I just smiled and I wanted to see furrie but he was distracted by what I'd say and I passed the form to him by hitting his torso. I walked into the emergency room and I thought it was weird "Is it really an emergency room?" The doctor just smiled at me. He said that the clinic was previous a hospital but it got shut down for some reason and people rented the place. He decides to make this place his home and his clinic. I saw furrie with her babies. I went to pet her but the doctor told me not too. "Don't touch her yet. Wait for a few weeks until the babies is old enough. Or she won't accept those kittens" I stood there and confused, I simply said "I thought she was a he, the guy who sold them to me told me that furrie is a male feline and wa-wa-wa... how did she get pregnant?" The doctor didn't reply my question since it was obvious but I was intrigue by how my furrie could get pregnant. Then I thought of another cat by the ally, I call him Shakes.

"So, your boyfriend is shakes. I don't even have one, you have one"
I saw Dane smiling at me and I wanted to avoid any eye contact with him but I couldn't resist those piercing blue eyes. "weren't your eyes green just now?" I asked him.
"You've met my brother, Daniel"
"Oh, Yeah, Daniel" I replied embarrassingly.
"His my brother, he worked at the coffee shop"
I wanted to ignore him by counting the babies furrie have but I couldn't resist when he said the coffee shop. I was too ashamed to remember it. Too much of heartache has been done for one day, I've decide to go home.
"SO, You want to go out with me?" He asked me.
I twitched my head sideways when I recall the screaming incident an hour ago. I didn't know how to react towards him.
"I thought he was you and uhm, you were him and there's only one dane" I begin to mumble. What am i thinking? Shut up! shut up!
"I'm Dane and His Daniel, you could see the differences"
"huh? wh-wh-what differences?" shut up julia! shut the hell up! you don't need to know! the man embarrassed you in front of the whole public!
"turn around and you'll see the differences."

I turn around to see Daniel wearing a black round neck t-shirt with Hate me on it and plaids earth colored shorts with dirty and muddy brown sneakers. No wonder you're unhappy I looked at his face, his has those piercing green eyes I fell in love with, I agreed with myself that I did, his hair was slightly longer than dane's but his eyes... My heart started to pump drastically. "Lady! You're standing on blood" I look down and suddenly, the world turn pitched black.

I arose suddenly, my head hurts, I think I hit something on my head. "Ughh, That hurts." I tried to recall what happen and I did. When I remembered what happen, the first I'd do is see where I was, I on the floor, simen cold floor. My cloths were with blood and I saw dane no wait daniel wait.. "whatever, I'm tired"

I stood up holding whoever i hold, and said to him "I'm gonna go home and take a rest, I'll come by tomorrow" He didn't answer just kept quiet but something about him made me smile. He smiled when he saw me smiled as well. I left the clinic with 50% of my brain still confused and another 50% thinking of whoever it was. I walked away, and turned around to see Dane obviously waving at me. I walked past the convenient store and took a left turn to my street and astonished! "Lucy???!"

Lucy was squatting and she was holding a binoculars. "He-he-hey, Julia" Awkward!
"What are you doing, lucy?"
"Nothing, just walking around catching some fresh air"
"fresh air? Lucy, you squatting next to a trash can!"
"it's fresh!" Lucy remarks

I walked away from lucy. I took 5 steps and I said "come on Lucy, Let's have dinner together"
She cheered and hugged me from behind. Knowing I had a very long day, i've decided let's give this a try shall we? A taxi was about to drove by and I forgot that I left my purse at the clinic. I told Lucy that I forgotten something and she immediately answered the clinic. I was even more suspicious but what the hell. We both walked all the way back to the clinic and I wasn't sure what I saw but I wasn't happy about it. I really wasn't. Lucy hold my hand tightly and calmed me down. She kept saying "it's ok" repeatedly. But I wasn't.

 I think I saw Dane kissing somebody.
In front of me


notes: thanks for reading! i hope you'd enjoy this one. And I have a neck pain from writing this part for a very long time. anyways, I hope you enjoy and if you have any suggestion you can get in touch with me on my formspring. thanks! keep on reading. :)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

One day

I came to you by chance. I didn't even realize it was you. I didn't notice you. Inevitably, you were there always.

The story:

It was Monday morning, I was walking down the streets to go to the office. It was crowded with people walking about. All were rushing, all were gushing and no one was looking the other way. Everyone was busy with their lives. I thought to myself, I wouldn't want to live my life like this. I didn't want it to be like this. People were too busy for work and everyone forgot about their lives, family and even friends. I didn't want it to be like this. 

As usual, I went to the coffee shop. It was packed as usual. I gave away a faint smile as it was the best coffee in town! People would come from other district just to buy their coffee. The line was long and people were very patient, they can wait I guess. At the counter, there's 3 barista, one of whom is a long worker there. I guess he is the owner now. I'm not sure. I never asked them anything. I've been told it was suppose to shut down but it never did. As it was my turn to order, "Hey, Julia! What will it be today?" the barista said smiling. I was stunned and my first reaction would be "You know my name?" He stood there and smiled as he nodded signaling that he did know my name. "I would like to have regular black coffee with turkey and roast beef sandwich extra pickle and mustard" He stared at me "Not your regular order, okay" He walked away and prepared my orders.

"He knows my name? From where? Oh my god! He's a stalker!" The rest of the barista laughed at me when I said that. I flushed. "Uhm.. It's okay I don't need it." When i was about to open the door and leave, he came up to me, "Here is what you normally ordered. I prepared it earlier and it's still warm." I was even more stunned and embarrassed!

"How did you know my name? and How did you know what I usually order?"
"You do realize you're wearing your name tag right?"
I looked at chest and "awww... Okay"
"Oh my god! You're looking at my chest!" I yelled
"I'm not lady! stop dreaming"
"Uh! What? Lady? I am not that old to be called a lady!" "for your information I'm 25 and I'm still young and gorgeous"
He sneered and walked away. 
"That's 10 Dollars including the tip lady"
I stood there embarrassed, I realized that people were watching me and gossiping about me. Some were saying I was pursuing a younger man and some were just nuisance! 

I walked as fast as I can towards my office building. Pressed the button to open the door. My heart were racing, it beats like thunder. I flushed in red, even my blusher isn't that color. I was so embarrassed, even my reflection annoys me. "ughhhh!" I stood against the door and breathe till I came to my senses. 

The air was filled with lemon scented sticks, my friend Lucy made them. The scent makes me calm again. Lucy looked at me oddly, "What's wrong with you?" I sighed "Don't want to talk about it" I sank into my chair and took a peak at my breakfast, making sure there's no worm or any species that could kill me. There were none. "Haaaahh, thank you" Lucy just rolled her eyes, it meant okay you're crazy. I went on eating my breakfast happily and drinking my coffee like there is no tomorrow. Thinking about that incident makes me angrier by the minute and i was still embarrassed that I felt like I forgot something. 


I saw him at the door! Looking at me eating my breakfast. I tried to avoid eye contact with him, ignoring him. Lucy saw that i was acting weird. "what is wrong with you? kinda mental" 
"Lucy, there's a stalker outside the door! don't open the door! wait till i'm gone" I whispered to her.
She looked at the door and wave towards him. I was shocked! "LUCY!! YOU GAVE ME OUT!"
"Ohhh... I wasn't suppose to do that?" sometimes I think Lucy is stupid but more often I think she is clueless.
"KNOCK! "KNOCK!" I went to the door and pretended I didn't know him. 
"Welcome to NQ Spa and Salon. How may I help you?"
"You can help me by paying the 10 Dollar you owed to the coffee shop!" 
"I'm going to report to the police if you don't pay lady!"
"PAY UP!!!"

"excuse me? this is a spa not an arena!" Mr Lou standing behind me.
"Oh my.. Oh.. Good morning Mr Lou, I hope you have a wonderful breakfast" trying to ease the mood.
"like someone here" he sneered again
"I did Julia, until I saw two crazy people fighting over breakfast. Like cat and dogs. Only you're humans" He walked in the office like a slumber as if nothing happen.

"wait here! I'll pay" I told him. Lucy came up to me "He is kinda cute! You should introduce me to him"
"Lucy! He is horrible! A Stalker! An obsessed barista! and crazy!" 
"really? I like that" I guess I was right, Lucy does have something wrong with her. "Oh-Kay!"
she cheered and jumps "stop it! he'll see" Lucy went to the door and smiled widely towards him.
"here! You're money. And this is Lucy" 
"Hi, I'm Lucy. I work here" 
"thank you. next time don't forget to pay JULIA. Hi Lucy, tell your friend here she's old" He walked away.

"Oh my god julia! His hot!" Lucy eyed him till he vanishes from here sight.
"stop that! he is not hot. He is ugly. and annoying plus he said i'm old!
"you do look old, you know" 
"Lucy! Get to work! I'm flustered as it is!"

I throw my rubbish to the bin and I saw the receipt. "Hi, I'm Dane" was written on it next to it was "can i ask you out?" 

to be continued

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

this lane


This lane makes me smile, this lane makes me shine like a little bird on the branch thinking of how peaceful and lovely this colour is. How romantic one can walk together with their partner and one birds fantasy to fly around this amusement park they called windy trees.

every leaves falls like snows only its velvety red is the colour of passion and lust. stimulating the senses of love, like and lust for human walking all around it. Every drop of leaf is every drop of words "I love you" every word of "i love you" is the world "I want to spend my life with you" Make the sunshine happened and I'll make your day.

:::::::The story::::::

I walked the street of velvety red snows, smiling, happy and arouse. One hand up in the air, feeling the breeze of red like strawberry and apple. I loved it. Every inch of air is every inch of life I felt inside, make me tingle as to life it comes to my face and shine bright.

He looked at me, smiling. He said "you look differently today, its like your happy in a weird way" His gesture makes me think as if I know what he meant. I think I know what he meant but let me guess, no I think that wasn't it. Lets hope it is. " I am happy, the colour makes me smile. Do you know that red, is the colour of love and lust? I think its romantic that we're walking here. I found it very refreshing, if not we're always walking on green, black and white and colour shade of grey" He looked at me confused. "It's spring my love, that is why the colour red evolve around us. Spring is season of love, and romance." He bite his lips as he towards me "it is my season to ask too" I smiled without despair as i knew what he meant. All i did was smile widely and said "we both knew what my answer is"

He took my hand and we walked away to the cafe nearby. I sat by the window overlooking the park, the street that we came out from. Oh it was beautiful. That is where I got propose, this lane is where my love began as to how we met the first time 2years ago.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


It was soundly, viable and harmony. I kept thinking of how serene everything was. There, I saw a figure I never thought I ever saw again. A figure only I know that would make me happy in any day. I walked the surroundings of a forest, filled with oak trees and grass. I remembered it well especially the smell, it was woody. It was oak. I followed the figure from behind. knowing I shouldn't at first. I decide I should as It would be my last day in earth, I wanted to see him here on the ground. I lay next to him, unable to avoid any contacts I smiled towards him and said "I miss you, papa" He smiled back at me, not saying a word. Just laying there on the ground next to me smiling. 

The scenery changed from the vast green forest, towards a greener grass, so clear, so vague, i remembered the flowers we planted on his grave, It was that flower that made me cry, knowing he wanted me let him go. So he would be at peace. The green carpet moved its way onto my skin, holding it tightly, I tried fighting so I could stand and walked with him but i couldn't. He rises his body up, standing tall from where I was laying on the ground, I know that my father has his pride. He walked away. Before he could, he smiled once more and wave goodbye, with a kiss on my forehead nothing less nothing more. 

I lay there with tears running down my cheeks. I yelled out loud calling your name, telling you everything I could but all there was to it was, you came to make me remember where I stand. Make me remembered that your the one man whom always love me from forever. 

He vanished. There is all to it. I woke myself by crying in bed, it's been months since I saw him. It's beens month, years, since you last kissed my forehead. I am grateful that you did because it was I all need to make me know how much you loved me. 

I love you, i'm grateful towards you. I miss you is all i could say. 

Monday, October 11, 2010

He took my hand. holding it tightly. Kissing each finger as he unfold a present inside his own hand. I look upon a present, I was shocked! Oh how little it was, it speaks too! I smile widely upon this little present. I held it up against my chest, nurturing it light so it wouldn't be afraid of me. There it stood a little present. A little tiny thing that I called Love.

pop sugar candy cane!

Red velvety, beautifully in shaped, dark in color. round in flavor. Musk and husk is how it's done! Shake a little bit to remove it's spun. Make a hole in the center and drop some sugar. Let it drop. let it drop. let it drop. that's how its done!


Sunday, October 10, 2010

I miss you.

I'm sitting here still, wondering what it would be like to see you again. What it would be like to have you here again. I know it can never happened as you've left us for life. But I prayed to god that I hope you're alright.I wonder if you know I missed you so? Or do you know at night I cried my heart out for you. My longings for you. I know people might say I don't love you I just say I do but no body knew what is truly hiding inside my heart as days goes by and time tick its way. Only time can heal my pain but they can never take away my memories of you. My heart wrench as it tries to let go. for sure, it's me whose not letting go. You're always there when I need you the most but I know I could never repay that moment ever again.I know that moment is now gone forever. I am in debt to you because you gave me life. I'm sorry for not being there for some of the pain and suffer you had been going through. I'm sorry because I can't be there since then until you left us. I know deep down you always loved me. You're always kind to me. never once had you scold me or yelled at me. All the thing you do is always kind and as a father it was you who always try for everything in life that i need. I'm sorry i couldn't do anything. I'm sorry I couldn't be there. I'm sorry if you're in pain because i'm crying. I'm sorry because I love you so. I'm sorry because I miss you so.

ps: It's a bit close to my heart to write this. The feeling just comes. I can't avoid writing it. To my father. It's been months since i last heard your voice until today I dreamed of you smiling at me. Oh how it break my hearts. I miss you so.

Monday, September 27, 2010


Sometimes I feel the burning sensation deep inside my lungs. Each breath caught by fire, Each breath calls upon water. How sudden it felt when I first saw the news. I was driven mad! I was driven to a point I can't believe what I'm seeing. I'm so paralyzed. I kept thinking. thinking. thinking. Is it the truth? Or is it just a crush? Is it real? Do you have feelings for her as well? did you know her? All my question were killing me. I could think of nothing but to see this! How i hated everything! How i hated looking at it! How I want to just break each bones inside her body and burn it to ashes! How you hurt me so bad, I have no feelings left. I was just numb.

An Angels Revenge ™

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Angels are mine

Beneath this hollow surface, I saw light. shining bright up on the sky. Willowing it's way towards my eyes. dazzling. how painful it was. it hurts my eyes. I lay down on ground, staring at the blue sky, a glimpse of a you shows up in my mind. An expression I knew I would be seeing from you, a smile. decent smile it was. tormenting to see me it but I had to believe in. that you will be here with me.

tears roll down my eyes, each drop has a story to tell. each drop has a memory to let go despite the pain of giving in, it has to be done. i realized it has begun.

memories of you fades one by one as i cried my way further in deep grief. goodbye my dear. maybe we bump somewhere i thought. what am i kidding? his gone. it's a land far from here. though it so far, i felt its so near.

Friday, September 17, 2010


I walked the streets today. I thought of you. I'm wondering what is it you'd do. I stood still across a window, watching carelessly at a magnificent yet vulnerable thing in the world. I stood still, watching every angle, sharp as there is, slightly dense but beautiful like an angel could be. The outline of it is inevitably raw, the small shaped, the shine is ultimately gilded my face as i was staring endlessly at it. Ah, how serenity this is, ah, how splendid this is I thought to my self. I knew one day, It will come to me, appearing like a dream. Till that day, I would wait for you not knowing when, but i'd wait for you to appear on my hand. I'd wait for you, as my answer would always be "Yes"


Thursday, September 16, 2010


I lay in bed wide awake. Looking at the stars as they shine bright above the lustful sky. I count everyone but always miscounting them again and again as I grew closer to the end. I remember the day I watch her pain fully shrieking as she tried to escape those god awful pain.


She stood by her bed looking through day light. As if she knew her ending days were near. Her eyes, soft brown eyes were as dark as night. Her eyes shows no sign of any light that could give her chance to stay. I guess she choose to go away. "Hmm" were her words all day. "hmm" were what she said to the doctor as he said "It could be today" I begin to wonder what is going on in her mind, I guess I never know.

She began to walk towards the window. You can hear her bones cracking as her moved. Crack. Crack they sound. She startled at first but it end as she continue walking. Her skin were sagging off her skin. You can see the bones moving as she is walking. dehydration they called it. She's too weak to move and too weak to survive. She has nothing left in her self but just to die.

I walked away from her. To stop the pain inside me from waking. I couldn't hold any tears but just to see my reflection that it's too late. I turn towards her to say goodbye. I couldn't stay for another time. I could watch as her bones gutted out. I could watch as she continue to stare towards the bright day light. I couldn't do anything. Anything not even watch, she dies slowly in the night.

Saturday, September 11, 2010


I'm still seeking a new layout with fun, thrills and dark exposure. Still unknown in my mind what would hit me with extravagant and petite modern might take me to. I hope you'll wait as I try to change some layouts and add something new. A new twist, turn and conjunction. Thank u! Please be patient.

Oh yeah, I hope you guys like nina semen. I read her creative writing blog and i felt wow! she's so splendid. I would like to know her to actually be as creative and brilliant as she is.

Friday, September 10, 2010

remote heartache

It's been ten days since I last saw your face. Your soft milky white skin and those dark brown eyes. Your lips are like sunshine to me. Every time they speak, the words smells like roses and the sound is like shiver by coldplay. Its smooth, milky, abundance with flavour is what I miss most. The times we talk, the times we walk, the times we spend together. I ache every pain just to see you again. I wonder if misses is just a feeling. Aching, dehydrating, tired and gruesome. I wonder if, it would be better as times grew faster. Like now, I miss the pain of not seeing you again.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

a heart stops beating.

A heart stops beating when the blood stop pumping. Usually, when there is bad news. News that destroy people, hurt people, kills people and ends them easily. A heart stops beating is when you left us dry. Dry. So dry, you didn't even say goodbye. You gave a smile, a faint smile and left us high. No goodbyes. Never again. A heart stops beating when you gave away your last breath for eternal sleep. A heart stops beating is when your dying. A heart stops beating always begin with you realizing that you have your love for life and the people around you. That's when you'd fight but it's already stops beating. Nothing else, you'd die. you'd lose. but your never forgotten.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


It this time of the month
people realm the world
devils is captured and jailed
angels roams this earth with nothing
just watching..


Sunday, August 1, 2010

red building

I feel left alone in this world. In this life. i turn to see people around me. there's no one. all there is a abandon building. red bricks. busted door panels. crooked door framed. i turn to walk to it. the further i walked towards it, the more wider the gap begin to unravel. the more i try the more i failed. I felt a sudden urge, a sudden lump in my throat. i cough it up, it was red, blood red. illusion begin to work its course, there again i was where i started. the big red building.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


I stood there alone. Folding my arms. Listening to the wind blowing. Hearing every mood, every whisper, every hush that is made. I felt a sudden chill from behind. I didn't want to turn. I'm afraid of it. It gets colder as I stood there and listen. The sound grew gravely ill. Like scream. Scream of oceans to be. Now, I'm dead.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


Looking at your picture wasn't an easy sight.
Hurt and despair roams the night.
Thinking of you kept my shine out bright
but losing you makes this heart break so damn quite

I can't seem to forget the way you look nor laugh
I can't seem to let you go everyday and every night
Sometime I kept thinking one day you'll come back
but I know that will never be and always be the end

All I can hope for is your all right
All I can say is I miss you so much
But I can't say it to you
But I always pray it for you all night.

Friday, July 2, 2010


I saw you for one last time
till then I do not know
when will I see you again

You came with a ravishing smile
A casanova with an awkward twist
of peculiar behavior and misconception

I heard you voice singing one last time
till then that voice will only be
a distant memory

At long last, I will be missing you
Faithfully waiting for your return
To my beautiful heart openly and
ready for your demise.

To KIM C of 2 days and 1 night.
I will miss seeing you on the show!

Saturday, June 26, 2010


A solemn face. A century worth of pain. A lifeless soul wanting to be murdered. In a place where there is no command nor answers is heard. A man waiting for life soon to be repaired as he swiftly forgave himself. For only a reason, he made. He made by once killing an innocent blond haired teenage girl. For only her beauty, he did what he wanted.

Friday, June 25, 2010

the little round boy and his friend

He is little and round. Funny in shape but smart on the head. Always smiling people said. To them he is awkward but to him they are his life. The little round boy walk to the city. Smiling. Greeting all those in front of him. Hello. Hello. He said. No one reply. No one even looked. No one notices the little round boy.

One day, he went to the city. To try his luck again. But. He failed. Still. No one notices him. He walked home crying. The tears rolling down his brown eyes suddenly talked to him. Asking him what is wrong. He was shocked! To have someone talking to him. He looked left and right. He saw no one. Yet the tears asked him again. Who are you looking for boy? The boy ran home scared. Screaming. Suddenly he realized something. There was another small boy on his shoulder.

"Hello!" he greeted the little round boy.
"He-he-Hello" The little round boy replied cowardly.
"Don't be scared. I'm your friend" the small boy reply.
"oh-oh-ohkkay! Wh-wh-what is your name small one?" reply the little round boy
"I don't have one! Why don't you give me one" the small boy said

The little round boy walked to his home thinking of a suitable name for his new friend. Only given by one reasonable name. That is all he could think of. That is "Alfred, the smallish"

Alfred smiled wide. He was happy with the new found name. He even name the little round boy "John, The big" John wasn't happy with his name and preferred to be called "John, The round one" it fits his shape and size. It fits him suitably.

The next day, John brought Alfred to the city and they both greeted the town people happily.

"Hello! My name is John, The round one"
"Hello! My name is Alfred, the smallish"

They were noticeably unique to the people. They were both small and big. They were round and square. They were both together like brothers but only this time, the people replied. "Hello John! Hello Alfred!"

John smiled widely knowing people loved him already.


Echo. Noises. Bruises. Pain. Nothing else matter as long as I am in grieve. Sorrow. No projection Of calm. Serenity. Nor. Solemn. Only swelling and owl eyes on this pale white skin. Pale with rosy cheeks. Pale with hair as black as night. Pale with eyes as sharp as a knife. What a curse I've been given. What A life this have given me. I'm not as lovely as snow white. I'm not as stunning as sleeping beauty. I'm not a cinderella where a prince will come and marry me. I'm a witch. A damn cursed one. The one who all envy because I have the treasure no one else have. That is my dignity.

I am a witch who can touch no one only to be cursed if I harm anyone.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


Sweat dropping. Heat is too much. Life is accelerating. My heart beats faster. it's killing me inside.

Looking at him under this heat makes it even more harder. Do i smell? I hope not.

Those beautiful eyes. Magnificent. Mesmerizing. Impeccable.


He rammed the coffee table to the wall. Angry. Anguish. Heart ache. I tried to calmed him down by hugging him tightly around his waist. He pushed me hard to the floor. I could feel the coldness of the cement as it were his feelings.

I cried. I cried. All I could see is his is mouth breathing fire as I try to stand up. I tried holding his hands but he let go. I try to press my cheeks on this his bare chest. Again he pushed only this time I spun slowly. Knowingly. That it was over.

Our happiness was over.

I sat on the red velvet couch. Tears roll down my eyes. Cheeks were wet. He wore his shirt and left me there bare. Naked. Ashamed.


"What is He doing here?? OMG!! He is suppose to be visiting my mom right now!! Ohh.. That damn bastard!"


"What is my sister doing here!!"

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Hello! Hi! How are You!

The Day would be Saturday and I'm walking all by myself. It occur to me that I'm walking alone and there are couples walking hand-in-hand. I'm not jealous. Why would I be. I'm a strong independent woman, who has a career, looks, charms and sophistication. I don't need a man, I certainly don't need a MAN.

"Oh! MY! GOD!"

Today is a Saturday. It's the day where lovers have their time together and be together. I'm here with them. A threesome! Ha Ha Funny right! but I am a man with decent looks and style. A job and a convertible car. and off course, a loft which has a jacuzzi and a private pool! All the ladies loved it! I would too! I can score on them!

"WHAT THE HELL????!!!!"


to be continue!

Friday, June 18, 2010


To be continue! Still in the process..